Post by Frank on Oct 31, 2014 20:28:46 GMT 10
THE 10 BEST BIKE TOOLS OF ALL TIME
Forget the Snap On Tools truck; it's never there when you need it. Besides, there are only 10 things in this world you need to fix any bike, any place, any time.
1. Duct Tape: Not just a tool, a veritable Swiss Army knife in stickum and plastic. It's safety wire, body material, radiator hose upholstery, insulation, tow rope and more in one easy to carry package. Sure, there's a prejudice surrounding duct tape in concours competitions, but in the real world everything from Le Mans winning Porsches to Atlas rockets uses it by the yard. The only thing that can get you out of more scrapes is a mobile phone.
2. Vice Grips: Equally adept as a wrench, hammer, pliers. baling wire twister, round off bolt heads, breaker off of frozen bolts, and wiggle it-¬till it falls off tool. The heavy artillery of your toolbox, vice grips are the only tool designed expressly to fix things screwed up beyond repair. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
3. Spray Lubricants: A considerably cheaper alternative to new doors, alternators, and other squeaky items. Slicker than pig phlegm. Repeated soakings of WD 40 will allow the main hull bolts of the QE2 to be removed by hand. Strangely enough, an integral part of these sprays is the infamous little red tube that flies out of the nozzle if you look at it cross eyed, one of the 10 worst tools of all time.
4. Margarine Tubs With Clear Lids: If you spend all your time under the bike looking for a frendle pin that caroomed off the needle valve when you knocked both off the seat, it's because you eat butter. Real mechanics consume pounds of tasteless vegetable oil replicas just so they can use the empty tubs for parts containers afterward. (Some, of course, chuck the buttercoloured goo altogether or use it to repack wheel bearings.) Unlike air cleaners and radiator lips, margarine tubs aren't connected by a time/space wormhole to the Parallel Universe of Lost Frendle Pins.
5. Big Rock At The Side Of The Road: Block up a tyre. Smack corroded battery terminals. Pound out a dent. Bop nosy know it all types on the noodle. Scientists have yet to develop a hammer that packs the raw banging power of granite or limestone. This is the only tool on which a 'Made in India' emblem is not synonymous with the user's maiming.
6. Plastic Zip Ties: After 20 years of lashing down stray hoses and wires with old bread ties, some genius brought a slightly slicked up version to the auto parts market. Fifteen zip ties can transform a hulking mass of amateur quality rewiring from a working model of the Brazilian rainforest into something remotely resembling a wiring harness. Of course, it works both ways. When buying used bikes, subtract $100 for each zip tie under the tank.
7. Ridiculously Large Standard Screwdriver With Lifetime Guarantee: Let's admit it. There's nothing better for prying, chiselling, lifting, breaking, splitting or mutilating than a huge flat bladed screwdriver, particularly when wielded with gusto and a big hammer This is also the tool of choice for oil filters so insanely located they can only be removed by driving a stake in one side and out the other If you break the screwdriver and you will, just like Dad or your shop teacher said who cares? It's guaranteed.
8. Baling Wire (use a coathanger in Australia):
Commonly known as BSA muffler brackets, baling wire holds anything that's too hot for tape or ties. Like duct tape, it's not recommended for concours contenders since it works so well you'll never replace it with the right thing again. Baling wire is a sentimental favourite in some circles, particularly with BSA, Triumph, and other single and vertical twins set.
9. Bonking Stick: This monstrous tuning fork with devilishly pointy ends is technically known as a tie rod end separator, but how often do you separate tie ends? Once every decade, if you're lucky. Other than medieval combat, its real use is the allpurpose application of undue force, not unlike that of the huge flat bladed screwdriver. Nature doesn't know the bent metal panel or frozen exhaust pipe that can stand up to a good bonking stick. (Can also be used to separate tie rod ends in a pinch, of course, but does a lousy job of it.)
10. A mobile phone: See #1 above.
Forget the Snap On Tools truck; it's never there when you need it. Besides, there are only 10 things in this world you need to fix any bike, any place, any time.
1. Duct Tape: Not just a tool, a veritable Swiss Army knife in stickum and plastic. It's safety wire, body material, radiator hose upholstery, insulation, tow rope and more in one easy to carry package. Sure, there's a prejudice surrounding duct tape in concours competitions, but in the real world everything from Le Mans winning Porsches to Atlas rockets uses it by the yard. The only thing that can get you out of more scrapes is a mobile phone.
2. Vice Grips: Equally adept as a wrench, hammer, pliers. baling wire twister, round off bolt heads, breaker off of frozen bolts, and wiggle it-¬till it falls off tool. The heavy artillery of your toolbox, vice grips are the only tool designed expressly to fix things screwed up beyond repair. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
3. Spray Lubricants: A considerably cheaper alternative to new doors, alternators, and other squeaky items. Slicker than pig phlegm. Repeated soakings of WD 40 will allow the main hull bolts of the QE2 to be removed by hand. Strangely enough, an integral part of these sprays is the infamous little red tube that flies out of the nozzle if you look at it cross eyed, one of the 10 worst tools of all time.
4. Margarine Tubs With Clear Lids: If you spend all your time under the bike looking for a frendle pin that caroomed off the needle valve when you knocked both off the seat, it's because you eat butter. Real mechanics consume pounds of tasteless vegetable oil replicas just so they can use the empty tubs for parts containers afterward. (Some, of course, chuck the buttercoloured goo altogether or use it to repack wheel bearings.) Unlike air cleaners and radiator lips, margarine tubs aren't connected by a time/space wormhole to the Parallel Universe of Lost Frendle Pins.
5. Big Rock At The Side Of The Road: Block up a tyre. Smack corroded battery terminals. Pound out a dent. Bop nosy know it all types on the noodle. Scientists have yet to develop a hammer that packs the raw banging power of granite or limestone. This is the only tool on which a 'Made in India' emblem is not synonymous with the user's maiming.
6. Plastic Zip Ties: After 20 years of lashing down stray hoses and wires with old bread ties, some genius brought a slightly slicked up version to the auto parts market. Fifteen zip ties can transform a hulking mass of amateur quality rewiring from a working model of the Brazilian rainforest into something remotely resembling a wiring harness. Of course, it works both ways. When buying used bikes, subtract $100 for each zip tie under the tank.
7. Ridiculously Large Standard Screwdriver With Lifetime Guarantee: Let's admit it. There's nothing better for prying, chiselling, lifting, breaking, splitting or mutilating than a huge flat bladed screwdriver, particularly when wielded with gusto and a big hammer This is also the tool of choice for oil filters so insanely located they can only be removed by driving a stake in one side and out the other If you break the screwdriver and you will, just like Dad or your shop teacher said who cares? It's guaranteed.
8. Baling Wire (use a coathanger in Australia):
Commonly known as BSA muffler brackets, baling wire holds anything that's too hot for tape or ties. Like duct tape, it's not recommended for concours contenders since it works so well you'll never replace it with the right thing again. Baling wire is a sentimental favourite in some circles, particularly with BSA, Triumph, and other single and vertical twins set.
9. Bonking Stick: This monstrous tuning fork with devilishly pointy ends is technically known as a tie rod end separator, but how often do you separate tie ends? Once every decade, if you're lucky. Other than medieval combat, its real use is the allpurpose application of undue force, not unlike that of the huge flat bladed screwdriver. Nature doesn't know the bent metal panel or frozen exhaust pipe that can stand up to a good bonking stick. (Can also be used to separate tie rod ends in a pinch, of course, but does a lousy job of it.)
10. A mobile phone: See #1 above.